Just a week later, as I turn twenty-five, I want to share with you some things I know about me, and some things I don’t. I want you to know who I am, even as I’m figuring it out. I want you to know me because I am proud of who I am and I am excited about who I become every day. And to future me, I want her to know, that she is worthy even when she doesn’t know where to go.
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I used to think that this blank slate was a disadvantage. It seemed like everyone around me knew everything there is to know about spirituality. How crystals worked, how to read tarot, what a fucking birth chart was. I didn’t know anything. For a while, I was interested in learning as much as I possibly could but as my own individual connection and trust grew stronger I started to lose the urge to know and understand everything. It actually became almost suffocating to hear about all of the things I should be doing or I could be doing in the spiritual space. That pressure to do it all to be worthy of your spiritual practice is what I affectionately call a spiritual chore chart.
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I keep my baking soda in a mason jar under the sink and last night when I was cleaning my kitchen I remembered that this mason jar used to be where I put the things I loved about you. It’s funny how fast your mind and body can be catapulted back to that moment in time. When all that mattered was feeling your hand hold mine and hearing your heartbeat when I laid my head on your chest. That mason jar holds the memory of you and me, stuck forever in that teenage dream.
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A while back on F*ck Wellness, Mal told the story about how growing up she would pray every single night. Even though she was a self-described atheist who didn’t grow up in a religious home she repeated the same prayer nightly before bed. When she first told someone that she did this it was a vulnerable task. Turns out though, she is not alone. Lara also shared that she does something similar, repeats the same saying or prayer every single night.
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If you’ve been following me for a while you may have noticed that I am not the biggest fan of the spiritual “rules.” One of these “rules,” or I guess classification would be a better word, is the idea that there are different types of information coming through from Spirit.
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I don’t really feel a connection to the term spirituality; I actually cringe a bit when I hear it. Through no fault of its own, the word ‘spirituality’ has taken on the definition that the most popular people have assigned it. Funny enough, it’s a word I can’t seem to escape. It is my point of connection with others when describing the work that I do.
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For the past few months, I’ve felt like I’ve been living two different lives. It’s recently gotten to a point where in order to continue my development and live authentically as myself it’s time to step out and allow myself to be seen. I’m writing this to show you who I am and who I am becoming. I am highly aware that this may be confusing for some people. It’s important to know that this was always part of me but now I am finally allowing myself to express it. Announcing this to you all seems so formal, momentous and vulnerable. However, at the same time, it just feels like I’m telling you who I am for the first time. Like I’m taking a breath for the first time as myself.
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This blog post is a way for you to get to know and understand my unique process in this work! I believe in being as honest and transparent as possible and I hope this blog serves as a peek into why and how I communicate things the way I do.
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