Should We Redefine Spirituality?

Written by Makena Sherwood

Edited by Mallory McPherson-Wehan

I grew up in a non-religious and non-spiritual household. My mom instilled in my brother and me the belief  that being a good person was the foundation of our family’s principles. She taught me how to have a strong work ethic and how to be a contributing member in our family unit. I was doing my own laundry by the fifth grade and one time I wrote a letter to Santa asking how he got presents to the kids who were affected by natural disasters. I don’t remember ever hearing about God.

I remember one time going to a friend's house for dinner and having to pray. My only thought was how clammy my hand must be as I clasped hands with the adult stranger sitting next to me. I truly did not understand religion and always felt very left out when someone quoted a story from the bible. Did I miss some important lesson of life? 

Fast forward to my teenage years. I began to get curious about a higher power. I always told people that I wasn’t sure if I believed in God but I was pretty sure there was something else going on. At the time I didn’t consciously know that spirituality existed, or anything about Spirit Guides, Angels, etc. I had no idea that people believed in a higher power that wasn’t God. For one whole year I read a children's bible. Each chapter highlighted a story in the bible and summarized it in an easy to understand way. Y’all, this book was written for 8-10 year olds. On one side of the page it summarized the stories and on the other half it had an outlined image you could color in if you wanted to. But I did it! 365 days of bible stories. I’m sure you can imagine my surprise when I finished it and did not have a better understanding of how to connect to God, or a higher power.

Funny enough, when I was a junior in high school I went to Catholic school for a semester. The people I experienced at that school, rooted in faith, were the most mean, judgemental, and cruel people I’ve ever met. Of course not all; I did meet some lovely people there, but it was an overwhelmingly negative experience.

For a few years I loosely read faith-based books but I always had a hard time with church. I was (still am) passionate about human rights, advocacy for the LGBBTQ+ community, sex education, women’s rights, etc. I grappled with the role the church played in silencing the voices of the oppressed or those they viewed as sinful. I knew not all churches embodied these hateful stances, but I hated the idea of something like God being used to defend disgusting actions. 

I remember writing in my coloring bible story book when my grandma got sick and praying that she would get better. I was scared and looking for answers. I felt guilty that I hadn’t prayed before and I cried myself to sleep multiple times apologizing for not knowing about God sooner. 

I moved away from the bible and church in my later teen and early adult years. As I studied public health and navigated college it no longer felt it aligned with any part of my life. I did, however, buy a bunch of books that had some subtle (and not so subtle) themes of faith and God. They often made me feel guilty and like I wasn’t doing enough. It made me question if I should like sex less or if I needed to start going to some youth groups. 

It’s no coincidence that these feelings of inadequacy were congruent with the most difficult period of my life. 

My grandma died in 2016. I was a freshman in college and really fucking pissed. This belief or system of faith did nothing for me. I turned my anger towards the world and everyone in it, but most of all myself. Those years were filled with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, anger, frustration; literally any negative emotion you could think of, I was experiencing it. 

Then my grandma started coming to me in my dreams. I loved it. It felt like I got to rewind the clock for just a minute. I got to feel her, talk to her, and I just knew she was ok. It took me a long time to realize that she was giving me messages in my dreams. I had never lost someone before so I had no idea what was “normal” or not. Then, the messages started coming without my grandma delivering them. I would get an intense image of someone texting me and then a few hours later a real text from them would come through. I could feel when a family member was pregnant before she announced it to the family. I had the urge to talk to a grocery store cashier about their son who had passed away. All of a sudden my world shifted. 

I was flung into the spirituality space, learning and soaking up any information I could. I think I worked harder with my spiritual education than I ever did in any school, and I had a 3.91 in college ;). 

My world seemed to have changed almost overnight. I went from the kid who didn’t know the difference between God and Jesus to a person who communicated with people who have died. Then, I learned that it wasn’t just that. I could get information about any area of a person’s life. Some of it from the past, some from the current moment, and some from the current energy of the future. What a mind fuck. 

Weirdly, I felt so comfortable with this new connection that I referred to as Spirit. When the initial excitement and franticness wore off I started to become more invested in the spirituality space. But this new community I wanted to be part of felt very far away. It sometimes gave me the same feelings as when I was a kid and didn’t understand religion. There were aspects I loved but plenty that I didn’t. I connected to very few teachers in the space because so many people felt fake, judgey, or just not attainable to me. Those I gravitated towards eventually became my mentors, people I am beyond grateful for. 

I always thought that after I developed my abilities more I would feel more connected to the spirituality space. Little did I know the divide would only grow deeper. As I nurtured and developed my relationship with Spirit it became almost unbearable to witness some of the “spirituality” that I was witnessing on social media and in real life. 

I make a point not to judge others' experiences. After all, I’m the girl who “talks to dead people.” However, what I was seeing and experiencing made me angry. I’ve witnessed people on social media tell lies about how social media likes and follows allow them to “claim” messages that they deliver. I was once told during a reading that Spirit would only knock on my (metaphorical) door three times and if I didn’t answer the call they would be gone forever. I see daily examples of spiritual leaders giving themselves and others permission to bypass difficult things that happen in our world, in their individual lives, or just on social media. 

This has made it difficult for me to feel like I have a place to go. Where do I fit when it seems radical to be honest, transparent, and vulnerable in your work and process? It’s frustrating when your work is centered on helping people grow and feel confident navigating their own journey and then you turn around and someone is promising a soul mate connection if they like a freaking Instagram post. 

This is like if the word therapy was societally changed to signify an “easy” experience. A promise that if you go to this one therapist one time they can fix everything about you without you having to lift a finger. Or by buying one therapy course all will be “cured,”  And that by amassing large followings on social media, your voice weighs more than others. It’s a ridiculous notion, but this is what has happened to spirituality. 

I don’t really feel a connection to the term spirituality; I actually cringe a bit when I hear it. Through no fault of its own, the word ‘spirituality’ has taken on the definition that the most popular people have assigned it. Funny enough, it’s a word I can’t seem to escape. It is my point of connection with others when describing the work that I do.

Over the past year I’ve really had to reign in my anger towards people who use spirituality in ways I may not agree with. To be fair, I don’t know the messages they get from Spirit, or the experiences they’ve had. I have a lot of anger towards those who sensationalize spirituality and then make tons of money from it; who grow social media audiences to the thousands or millions based on what they teach. I resent them AND I want aspects of what they have; the respect, admiration, and financial success that they do. It seems sometimes like they make my job harder. They make me seem like the bad guy when I explain free will to clients or when I tell people I can’t tell them what year, month, and day they will meet their soulmate. 

To me, spirituality means two things. One, a deeper connection with yourself. Two, a deeper connection with a higher source. What you choose to label these connections is entirely up to you. How you explore those two connections is entirely up to you. My job is to give you tools, resources, and guidance so you can confidently explore both of those things. I am here for support, guidance, and education. Everything outside of those two things are resources to help you nurture, grow, and explore them. 

When I give readings I always say that I don’t believe any information is off-limits unless it’s supposed to be. I have confidence that if I ask for specific information it is within my ability to receive that information, whatever it may be. If it doesn’t come through, I trust that’s for a reason. That being said, I ALWAYS am sure to educate my clients (and often remind myself) that energy shifts and changes and that very few things are completely guaranteed. 

I hope that through education the term spirituality can be recovered. I hope that through transparency we can diminish some of the negative stigma that scams have brought to this work. I hope through growth that many more people will be able to see how many kind, thoughtful, intelligent, honest, and compassionate people work in this space. I have faith. I have faith in myself, because I know that I hold myself to the standard I wish to see in this space, and more importantly, I have people that hold me accountable to that standard. I have faith that eventually the sensationalism will get boring, and collectively we will see a slow transition to more meaningful connection. I have faith that Spirit did not give me this role in this lifetime to fall flat on my face. I have faith that there are many more like me, ready to take on these old belief systems. The one thing I do know for sure, is that this isn’t a solo job and that collectively we can decide what’s acceptable and what’s not.